Five Reason I Don’t Give a F*#k About Tiger Woods…

“Tiger Woods cheated on his wife. Tiger Woods got caught. Tiger’s wife didn’t appreciate it. The End.”

If that was the story they told me weeks ago, I would have known everything that I needed to know. And I still would not have cared! Why, you ask? Because companies are still laying people off by the hundreds. Innocent kids are being murdered in the streets of Chicago EVERYday. Thirty thousand more soldiers are being sent to Afghanistan. And VH1 keeps passing out tv shows like party flyers after the club! And that’s just scratching the surface. Yet in the midst of all that IS newsworthy, we are forced to be witnesses to Tiger and his foolishness. Admittedly, I don’t follow golf. But there’s no way to dispute the contribution that Tiger has made to the sport. His trophy case is probably big enough to house a family of 4. Not to mention that mounds of money that he’s accumulated over the years. Yet, contrary to popular belief, he’s still human. No amount of success makes you exempt from being a complete and utter asshole. In fact, in most cases, that level of success almost guarantees a few speed bumps. I say all of that to say this: I don’t care about Tiger and his reckless frolicking!

Here are 5 recent news stories that are a lot more interesting (in my opinion) than that of the gullible golfer:

1. NFL’s Oval Office: Both the Colts and Saints are currently 12-0…with 4 games remaining. What’s left to accomplish is the
undefeated regular season and making a case for MVP (Manning or Brees). In ’72, the Dolphins finished 14-0 and in ’07 the Patriots did 16-0…but will we see two teams go 32-0??? Stay Tuned.

2. Newport News, VA takes over Philly: After a summer of “where’s Michael Vick and Allen Iverson going to land”..both Newport News legends landed in Philadelphia. Vick returned to Atlanta Sunday, Dec. 6th (scoring 2 TDs) and Monday Iverson returned to Philly as a Sixer for the first time since 2006. AI put up 11 points and 6 assists for the night.

3. And the Winner is…Just 9 months into his presidency, Barack Obama is announced the winner of the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize. Since the award was first given out in 1901, President Obama is only the 8th person of African decent and the 3rd African-American to receive this honor, along with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Dr. Ralph Bunche.

4. Men lie. Women lie. Numbers don’t: Susan Boyle, the (unexpected) breakout star of “Britain’s Got Talent”, has put artists to bed for the year!! If you listen close enough, what you should be hearing are the feet of your favorite artist running back to the drawing board. Boyle’s debut album, I Dreamed a Dream (released Nov. 23, 2009), sold 701,000 units its first week. Susan’s 701K represents more than just dollar signs. It represents records: records sold, records broken, and a spot in the records. She sold more albums in a single week than any other artist this year and she has the most successful debut album of any other female artist. Take notes!

5. Leaders of Late-Night: Late night television is a game that’s been dominated by the majority for years. From Carson to Letterman to Leno, there hasn’t been very much consistent variety in the land of late night talk shows. Enter George Lopez and Mo’Nique. Regardless of whether or not you don’t understand the sporadic Spanish that Lopez injects into his monologue or you  have to put your tv on mute just to hear Mo’Nique’s show at a reasonable audible level, there’s no way you can deny the impact that these 2 shows will have on late night television. Lopez, the first latino to host a late night show on an English-language network, is setting a new standard. At a time where immigration and illegal residency are hot topics, Lopez moves into the late night community, unpacks his bags and gets comfortable. And who is that next door? None other than your favorite Ms. Parker. Naw…not that one, the other one. You know, Kim’s momma. As loud as she is, Mo’Nique is making it known that she’s here and she doesn’t plan on leaving or conforming to what you think she should be. Once you get past her upfront, in your face approach, you’ll see that what’s she’s doing is pretty cool. She is exposing the movers and shakers of the African-American community. And she’s doing it in a way that is very deliberate. I welcome them both to the neighborhood and hope they stick around.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program: “Today in Tiger news…”

*Shout out to Kev on them stats! I appreciate it fam.

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